How to pick up chicks - lesson 1

Lesson 1:

Owing to my impressive record with the opposite sex (and occasionally “other”), I am willing to give you guys some tips on how to attract women (mostly).

I prefer to see the art of attracting the opposite sex as a “hunt”. Remember that men are hunters, but women are gathers (mostly fat). It is also important to note that not all women are gathers. Many of them are lesbians. Try to avoid these types. They can be identified by my blood stains on their fists and clothes.

The first rule to understand is that the hunt is ALWAYS on. Many men will try target specific times of the week (Friday or Saturday night) or month end as a good time to go “hunting”. I spit in the face of this theory. <>

The first step in being successful with women with a sense of smell (nearly 87% amazingly enough), is hygiene. Try to have a bath or shower at least once a week. A good way of knowing when it’s time to have a shower is when you’ve stopped sweating on a hot day and your armpits make a screaming sound while you’re walking.

A man’s cologne is his defining signature with the laydees. Many people will tell you that you should buy one of those expensive, marketed, glass-bottled, doesn’t burn your skin type colognes, but I laugh in the face of those people that spend more than one pound on their gallon of cologne. My cologne brings tears of joy to the ladies… well, tears at least (it could be joy).

The second step to attract women is fashion. Women will judge a man by his sense of style. It’s important to catch her eye with your style. Pink platform boots, orange bell-bottom trousers and an open V-neck denim shirt is a sure way of catching your lady friend’s eye.

When getting ready in the morning it is also important to make sure you dress modestly when it comes to selling your package. I prefer to use only one pair of rolled up socks stuffed down the left side of my trousers on Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays. On Wednesday I stuff it down the right side to keep them guessing. On Friday I use two pairs. One stuffed down each side to keep them wondering. Sundays is God’s day, so I go natural (organic socks).