Awesome PI

Max Awesome was a private dick. This meant that he was an investigator, who could be hired to investigate private matters and not anything pornographic involving penises.

Max was incredibly handsome, like a full furred goat basting in a low carbon footprint with an ambivalent piece of toast. He had a body that appeared sculpted out of hot college girls’ dreams, but not the type of dream that involved shopping for shoes. Max was also incredibly intelligent like a satellite dish that knew how to program a VCR without a remote control.

He was resting in his office, after translating Tolstoy’s War and Peace into Russian, which he did in his spare time, for orphaned children, when she walked into the room.

She was strikingly beautiful like a drunken teenager lost in a dark park. Her hair bounced with every step she took like an obese seven year old running on a treadmill and flowed down her back like a river of hair, that ended about half way down her back. Her back was like a normal back, but sexier.

She stopped as she reached Max’s solid oak desk, which had been given to him by the Dalai Lama, after Max saved Mr Lama’s life after his bungee cord snapped.

“I want you,” she purred like a cat who could speak English.

“I know,” said Max, handsomely.

“My name is Tatiana Moscowvich. I need your help.” She spoke in a foreign accent. Max suspected that she was Russian.

“Are you Russian?” Max queried, with one raised eyebrow, which hinted at promises of multiple orgasms and free beer.

“How did you know?” She enquired, while her breasts bounced gently like two small puppies killing a kitten with mange.

“I can speak twenty three different languages, Miss Moscowvich. Including Swedish, Switzerland, English and Russian,” Max said with an air of confidence that made him win the Nobel Peace Prize for making women want to have sex with him, despite them not really taking the time to get to know him.

“You’re amazing,” said Tatiana, who was a part time super model, but spent the most of her time working as a scientist on top secret stuff.

Max stood up, stretching his muscular legs and perfect six-pack, which held Tatiana’s eyes briefly, before she stared lustily at his crotch which bulged in his jeans, despite him not having to put socks down there.



To be continued...