Dirty old ladies

One day, while googling "old ladies, swallowing and horses", I came across this nursery rhyme. I doubt if you've ever heard it, as it's horrific!

There was an old lady who swallowed a fly
I don't know why she swallowed a fly - perhaps she'll die!

Fair enough. This could happen. An old lady is having a nap. Her mouth is open. A fly flies into her mouth. She wakes up gagging on the fly and swallows it. Nothing weird there, except for the threat of death, which seems a bit weird as it was just a fly.

There was an old lady who swallowed a spider,
That wriggled and wiggled and tiggled inside her;
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly;
I don't know why she swallowed a fly - Perhaps she'll die!

Okay. Starting to get weird. Old lady realises that she's swallowed a fly and instead of possibly having a drink of water, she opts to swallow a spider, which she happens to have handy.

It's true that spiders eat flies, but this seems to be an extreme reaction.

And why is the spider wiggling and tickling her. Surely stomach acids would kill the spider quite quickly. Was the spider inserted in the mouth?

There was an old lady who swallowed a bird;
How absurd to swallow a bird.
She swallowed the bird to catch the spider,

Is it absurd to eat chicken? No, not really. How about if you swallowed a live bird in order to eat a spider that you "swallowed" earlier. Not really absurd, more psychotic.

Of course the use of the word "bird" could be used as slang for her lady friend.

There was an old lady who swallowed a cat;
Fancy that to swallow a cat!
She swallowed the cat to catch the bird,

Staying with the lady friend theme, she's now obviously eating pussy.
Do parents explain this to the kids, when reading the nursery rhyme to them?

There was an old lady that swallowed a dog;
What a hog, to swallow a dog;
She swallowed the dog to catch the cat,

OK, so apparently the lady friend isn't much of a looker, but this seems a bit harsh.

There was an old lady who swallowed a cow,
I don't know how she swallowed a cow;
She swallowed the cow to catch the dog,

Not only is her lady friend fucking ugly, she also obese.

But let's go back a few steps and imagine that we're trying to take this literally again. Spiders eat flies. Birds eat spiders. Cats eat birds. Dogs do NOT eat cats, but might well kill them. But I have never heard of a cow chasing a dog, let alone eating it. Mad cow disease possibly, but she shouldn't be eating that!

There was an old lady who swallowed a horse...

So now she's either sucking off a horse, or she believes that horses eat cows.

If we look at the translation, so far, we have an old lady, who pulled down somebody's fly, shoved a spider up her arse, ate her ugly, fat friend's pussy and then sucked off a horse.

Could this rhyme get any more twisted?

She's dead, of course!

WHAT?