Getting tardy

Until recently, I haven't given to charities. I've never helped a charity. I've never promoted a charity. I was under the impression that most charities were run by selfish people who don't care about others.

And I was right.

But I'm open minded enough to realise that if I did "do my bit", as they call it, I might be able to make some money for myself.

It's difficult to ignore the charity collections going on around us every day. At every London train station, you see these entrepreneurs collecting for all kinds of things. There are old people collecting for children. There are young people collecting for the aged. There are even wheelchair people collecting for "the disabled", which I think is a term relating the Welsh.

But I've stood behind my principles as these people approached me, asking for my money, and I've never been afraid to punch the old or wheelchair bound and told the younger collectors that I'm not interested.

There are however stupid people out there who give these people their money, despite them not getting anything in return. This got me thinking. Why are people so stupid. I forgot what the answer was that I came to because I walked into a wall while staring at tits.

Anyway, I decided to start collecting for a charity. The only question was, which charity should I collect for?

After doing some research, it appears that I'm not the first person to think of this. There are more that 150,000 charities in the UK. I would obviously need a target market. The following were already taken:
- Cancer
- Aids
- Heart
- Physically challenged
- Mentally challenged
- Deaf
- Blind
- Cats & dogs
- Goat deliveries

The list goes on and on, so I had to find something that they missed. I composed a short list of possibilities:
- The dead
- Ugly chicks
- People with stupid faces
- Fat chicks
- Animals that are annoying
- Lesbians
- Celebrities who need to be cocked

These were all great, but I needed something that most people could identify with. Something that makes people stop, take notice and want to depart with their money. It also had to be simple. That was when I realised who I would collect for.

I took out my charity bucket and wrote, in large capital letters on it's side, "RETARDS", and headed out to a central London tube station.

Now you probably won't believe me, but there are many rude people out there, who don't want to help retards. Most people just stared at me, probably thinking about my selflessness. Unfortunately after 30 minutes of stares, nobody gave me their money. I changed my tactics and started shouting, "Save the Tards!", at people walking by.

A few people stopped and asked me what tards were and I gave some great impressions in order to get my point across, but they still didn't give me money.

The problem is that people are selfish. People don't care about retards. Tomorrow I'll try my new charity. "CUNTS." Everybody like cunts.