It's official - I'm gorgeous

I've never considered myself to be an incredibly good looking guy. Yes, I know I'm good looking and yes, I know that most women would rather sleep with me rather than be punched in the face, but "incredibly" good looking? Gosh, I guess I'm just too modest to even think about it.

This all changed yesterday, as I was walking home. When I say walk, I obviously mean strut. I'm a strutter. It's part of my handsomeness.

As I approached the block of flats where I live and poo, I noticed two elderly fat ladies sitting on the curb. As I approached, one of them saw me, stumbled to her fat feet and approached me.

Elderly fat lady: Hi. Do you want a massage?

Handsome Muppet: Um, no thanks.

Efl: Want me to be your girlfriend?

HM: Um, no thanks.

Efl: Do you have 50p for me please?

HM: Sorry.

I strut on by.

So I'm officially incredibly good looking. Women are practically throwing themselves at me to be my girlfriend. I don't blame them. Now just imagine how hot I would be if I had 50p to spend on prostitutes!

This must be how Brad Pitt feels.