Bad in bed? Women love it!

A well known fact is that chicks dig bad boys.

If a woman had to decide between going out on a date with a priest who devotes all his spare time teaching choir boys about the evil in the world or choosing a man who doesn't do much charity work, but occasionally drinks alcohol and doesn't mind buying some wine for a woman, even though she's not his wife, the majority of woman would choose the man who drinks. Women are stupid.

So in order to boost my image with the fairer, weaker and dumber sex, I've decided to drop my wholesome good boy image and delve into my dark side.

So in order to impress women, I'm going to push them out of the way, if they're in my way and I might even push them if they're not in my way. This rule will only relate to small women, really old women and girls under thirteen years old.

I'm not going to offer a heavily pregnant women my seat on the train. She needs to understand that I'm a bad boy and even though this will result in her finding me incredibly attractive, I'm not going to have sex with her until she loses some weight.

I'm not always going to eat five fruit and veg a day.

If I see a neighbour murder his wife, cut up the body, have sex with the body parts, drag the remaining body to a quiet forest and bury them in a shallow grave, I'm not going to dig up the body and take photos of me having sex with the parts and then later pretend that the photos were faked, when questioned by the police, unless they buy me a beer shandy first!

I'm not going to do all the ironing, unless there are serious creases in my shirts and socks.

I'm not going to apologise to corpses anymore.

Watch out world, a new muppet is here.

Actually, don't watch out. I don't care if you watch or don't watch. I'm bad.

Actually, I do care if you watch because if girls didn't notice my sexy bad behaviour, they're not going to respect me more than previously.

I'm not even going to spell check this article!