Flat-pack crap attack

Have you ever tried to assemble flat-pack furniture? Have you ever been able to correctly assemble flat-pack furniture? Have you ever looked at the manual that your flat-pack furniture came with and been able to make any sense of it? Have you ever been able to make your completed unflat-packed furniture look like the picture on the cover of the flat-pack furniture box?

If you answered yes to more than one of the above then you are what is known as a lying cunt.

In my previous flat-pack adventures I have made an ashtray from a table, a spice-rack from a cupboard and a non-combustion engine from a breadboard.

But I am a man and will never admit defeat to mocking furniture, so I have bought more furniture that needs to be assembled, with my manly man hands.

I bought a garden chair that was already put together, but the operational manual had eight pictures to show how to operate the complex device. As you can tell by the very confusing pictures, assembling this unit wasn't going to be easy.

I tried matching each picture in the manual with what was in front of me.

Picture 1:



This looked familiar. I think I have a match.



So far so good.

Picture 2:



Hmmm... let's go with this:



That doesn't look quite right, but it's the closest match I could find.

Picture 3:



What the fuck is happening here? It looks like a fatter version of the previous one, but now it's somehow shooting arrows.

Is this the right one?



No! No! No! That doesn't look right at all! Where's the shooting arrow?

Picture 4:



OH MY GOD! That looks like a chair! How the fuck did that happen?

I've got this:



I try sitting on it. I'm seriously not comfortable and my legs feel cramped. The back support is very limiting.

I head back to the instructions and turn the page.

Picture 5:



This looks a lot like picture 4, but it's shooting an arrow. How is this possible?

Picture 6:



The chair is getting thinner somehow and arrows are attacking one another.

Picture 7:



WHAT? Arrows attacking one another and it's shooting a giant arrow away from itself?

I check the box for arrows. Nothing!

I try to line up my chair to look like the picture above. I think I'm close.



When I sit on it, I can feel the arrows. I must be close.

Picture 8:



What? That looks nothing like a chair! It makes no sense!

I need to stay calm and think this through.