Marital blisters

Somebody recently asked me if marriage was as advertised. Now that I've been married for over half a year, I think I can speak with authority about marriage.

Thinking back to when I was single, I remember when I would wake up alone. I'd have the whole bed to myself and I could fart as much as I wanted to.

Now when I wake up, it's usually because of a cold feeling I get. This cold feeling is usually derived from the evil entity in the room that has stolen all the duvet and is currently wrapped in a duvet cocoon, like a caterpillar waiting to burst out into a horrible tantrum. I try pull a little bit of the duvet back towards my quarter of the bed, but I fear waking the creature within.

It's not just the cold that wakes me. Sometimes I wake up feeling a sharp pain in my leg. I turn in bed and see evil red eyes staring at me, followed by the sound of an unworldly voice, "Move your leg!" I try to go back to sleep, but the the fear and snoring keeps me awake for hours. As I finally drift off to sleep the entity punches my nose. I hear the devil's voice again, "Move your face!"

So I'd have to say that marriage is as advertised. The advert however is Paranormal Activity.