Python vs Chihuahua

An interesting story appeared in the papers this week about a python eating a pet Chihuahua.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2008/02/27/wpython127.xml

Which makes me wonder what the conversation between these two animals was before the snake attacked. I imagine it being something like this:

Chihuahua: Hi! I'm a dog. Do you want to be my friend?
Python: Fuck off! Animals can't talk.
C: Then why are you talking?
P: I'm not. Sad muppet is typing this.
C: Who's Sad muppet?
P: The person writing this conversation.
C: I don't understand. Is he writing down what I'm saying?
P: No. You're not real. This is all in his mind.
C: Of course I'm real. There's a newspaper article about me at the top of this blog. You're also in it.
P: I know. The picture makes me look fat.
C: Only because I'm overweight and you ate me.
P: Why do you eat so much?
C: I guess I have low self esteem. It's not easy being one of the smallest breeds of dogs in the world. All the other dogs make fun of me.
P: Your problem is not your breed. Your problem is you. You need to love yourself before you can move on in life.
C: Is that a wanking joke?
P: No. I mean you need to love the person you are, on the inside.
C: Well that's ironic, because you're going to eat me and therefore I'll be inside you.
P: Lol. True.
C: Hey. We're getting along now. Are you still going to eat me?
P: Well I have to. The story is about me eating you.
C: But I thought this was all in Sad muppet's mind.
P: Yes it is and in his mind, I eat you.
C: No. In the article, you eat me. Anything can happen in Sad muppet's mind.
P: Not really. He has a limited intellect.
C: Why do you say that?
P: Look at this pathetic conversation we're having.
C: What do you mean?
P: Well it's not really going anywhere. He's just typing random crap onto his blog where all his loser "friends", will end up making fun of him.
C: Well that doesn't sound like real friends to me.
P: That's why I had "friends" in inverted commas.
C: Oh. I didn't know you did that because we're talking and therefore I can't read what you meant.
P: Well I guess I could have used my hands to use the quote symbol with my fore fingers and index fingers, but I'm a fucking snake and therefore can't do that.
C: Good point.