Breathtaking sights of New York

Last week I went to the United States of America for the first time in my life, or more accurately to New York.

I was accompanied on this trip with my girlfriend, who had been to New York on two previous occasions. This was our first trip to any place together.

I had brought two cameras and my handy guidebook to show me around this amazing city of steel and concrete. During my week I saw, the largest department store in the world, the Empire State Building and it’s jaw-dropping views over Manhattan, Ground Zero, the Statue of Liberty, walked across Brooklyn Bridge, The Met and countless other sights.

I have hundreds of photos of all these places, but I left New York feeling somewhat disappointed, as I was unable to take a photo of the one thing I was most amazed by.

What hurts even more, is that it wasn’t just a once off flash incident where you wish you had a camera with you, like watching an old lady fall down some stairs or watching a baby panda explode. The fact of the matter is that I didn’t take a photo, because I don’t think my girlfriend would have understood.

It happened in our hotel, on the first night we had arrived. I had spent the previous night at her place after a very busy last day at work. We had to leave for the airport quite early as we were flying via a connecting flight in Detroit where we were stuck for ages.

The point is that by the time I had reached our hotel in New York, I had not taken a dump for about 48 hours and I was choking.

As I am a very romantic guy, I had not been informing the chain-and-ball of my turtlehead problem as we admired the beautiful view of a McDonald’s from our hotel room window. The pre-dump sweats had started as I informed the battleaxe that I was “going to freshen up” before bed.

As soon as I slammed the bathroom door behind me, I dropped trou and sat down to the accompaniment of angels singing, or so it seemed. It didn’t last long and I was suspicious of circumstances below me as there was no splash, despite all the rectal orgasming I was going through.

Once I was confident that there weren’t any younger siblings who wanted to join the party, I had a quick look at my escaped prisoners, to make sure that I had at least hit parts of the bowl. At first glance I was left speechless at what was staring back at me. I had given birth to a monster. One solid turd, over a foot long!

At this stage I wouldn’t have been surprised if Godzilla had appeared behind me, peered over my shoulder into the toilet and then said to me, “Dude! What the fuck!”

My first instinct was to run into the bedroom, with my trousers around my ankles to grab my camera and then waddle back to the toilet again, but then thought that this might lead to some strange questions from the hag.

My second thought was to invite the old cum-bucket into the toilet to admire my creation along with me and then we could take photos together. Unfortunately I don’t think we were quite at that stage of our relationship yet. Feces picture sharing is more like a year anniversary thing.

So with tears in my eyes, I said farewell to my child and with a shaking hand I flushed her away. As she swirled around the toilet, she broke into two pieces, much like the Titanic, the other great engineering creation of man, had done before being claimed by the murky waters below.

And so I returned to the bedroom much lighter, but weighed down with the guilt of knowing what mothers go through, having to give up their children for adoption.