A place of worship

The below picture was taken recently at Heathrow Terminal 5.

(click on the pic to enlarge)


I can't decide if this is racist or sexist.

Birds do it...

It's the morning of my wedding day. My bride to be and I are staying in a five star country lodge over looking a citrus valley.




We wake up to the most beautiful day. There's morning mist in the valley and we watch the sun rise and burn off the mist within minutes.




It's quite simply the perfect start to the day.

Our room is beautiful and it offers the most gorgeous views of the valley from our bath.




You'll notice in the picture above, to the left there's also an outside shower and I simply can't resist the thought of having a shower overlooking a picturesque valley on a warm summer morning. I strip down and head on outside.

I'm a little tentative at first as I'm not used to public nudity while sober, but as there's nothing but nature for miles around, I relax my guard and let the warm water cascade over me and start to build up a lovely lather of soap on my glistening body in the morning sun.

The scent of nature and the scent of my flowery shower gel creates a feeling of extreme relaxation. Besides the sound of running water from my shower the only other thing that can be heard is the birds singing and bees buzzing. It's almost as though Walt Disney himself scripted my public nudity.

In retrospect, it's much easier to see disaster coming. For those of you who enjoy a good detective novel, you probably already picked up the key words:
- Citrus valley
- Public nudity
- Flowery shower gel
and
- Bees buzzing

And of course, being the manly man that I am, I've concentrated most of the flowery shower gel I was using around my armpits and my crotch.

A little known fact I've recently discovered about bees. Bees aren't attracted to flowery shower gel around the human armpit area.

The above fact might not be true because if there was a swarm of bees close to either of my armpits, I sure as fuck didn't notice them. I did however notice about a hundred bees trying to attack my man parts.

I didn't have internet access at the time, but afterwards I did some research on what to do if you find yourself in the middle of a swarm of bees.

Run away in a zig zag pattern or through tall brush.

I'm standing in a shower area which is surrounded by tall brush. The bees are coming from the tall brush.

Cover your head because bees attack the face and neck first. Use your shirt if you have nothing else to cover your head.

I think it's my lucky day because the bees aren't interested in my face or neck. My shirt is inside.

Never swat at the bees.

Okay. This one I might have got wrong. I'm not only swatting at them, I'm also trying kick the fuckers.

Don't jump in water. The bees will wait up to 30 minutes for you to surface and then they'll attack again.

There's no river to jump into, but the water from the shower seems to be impeding their attack I'm not leaving my protective barrier until they're all gone. I don't know if there's enough water to last for 30 minutes.

Seek shelter in an enclosed car or structure.

This is the most obvious solution. My enclosed safety structure is only about three feet away, behind a sliding glass door, but I'm too scared to leave the protective shower barrier. Luckily my bride to be hears my girly manly screams and comes to investigate. She sees the trouble I'm in and I see her running off, undoubtedly on her way to call the police or the army. She returns within seconds without any kind of uniformed squad, holding grenades and machine guns. Instead she's gone and fetched the camera.

I fucking hate that bitch. I hope she has a miserable life.