Friday 18 January 2008

How to pick up chicks - lesson 8

Get thee to a nunnery

Warning – If you read the following article, you will probably go to hell. In fact, this article is so morally corrupt that you will probably go to hell for just reading this warning. So stop reading this warning. (Ironic, isn’t it?)


There is a common misconception out there that nuns are all old, fat women who fear any kind of intimacy with men. I would like to correct this misconception by stating that most of my ex girlfriends were old, fat bitches that didn’t want me touching them, yet only turned to a life devoted to God after dumping my sexy ass. It’s difficult to find an equal after you’ve been with the muppet. Bless their frigid little hearts.

Yet despite some negative misunderstandings I’ve had with nuns, I still maintain that they are easy prey.

So why would a nun decide to become a nun?

They claim to be spreading the word of God. So what is the word of God about? It’s about lurve! Lurve thy neighbour! Lurve thy neighbour’s ox (kinky bitches). So that’s what the nuns want to share with you.

Their attempts to disguise themselves as frigid zebras is discarded if you look at the facts behind the frock.

The relevant facts to note are:
- They don’t believe in marriage. These women are too wild to settle down.
– They devote themselves to “The Big Guy”.
– They’re kinky drunken bitches! They love a bit of father, son and some good spirit.
– They spend hours on end on their knees. What’s not to like about that?
– They’re very gullible. You could make up one of the most ridiculous stories ever created and they’d believe it.
- They quite often hang out with Catholic priests and we all know that those guys are some of the dirtiest sex-maniacs around.
- They always want to know about your sins. Dirty wenches!
- You hardly ever see a nun by herself. They’re either in two’s or more. A threesome is always on the cards.

And last but not least

- They wear towels on their heads. Curtains are no longer needed to clean your man bits. A bit of a dirty habit, if you ask me.

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