Ooh baby!

Is it my imagination or is paedophilia on the rise?

When I was a boy, I could go up to any homeless man in the street and put my hand in his pocket, in case he had some sweets in there for me.

Kids aren’t allowed to do that nowadays because they’ll be raped. This hardly ever happened to me.

So what’s made these homeless people so sex craved?

The answer is simple. Pop music.

Listen to any music on the current charts and you’ll notice that it’s filled with very suggestive lyrics.

For example:

Ashanti - Baby
Could have the power to take over mine..cause your
my...
Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby,(baby I love you),
Baby, baby,baby baby,baby,
I love it when I hear ya name,
Got me sayin’ baby, baby, baby, baby, baby(baby I love you)
Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby.

Ramones – All Screwed up
I miss your body, baby, next to mine
Ooooh, baby, yeah we sure felt fine
I miss you baby, oh yeah
Baby, babyBaby, baby, aw ahhh, baby, baby, oh yeah (oh yeah)
Baby, baby, aw ahhh, baby, baby, aw ahhh
Baby, baby, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah

Toni Braxton - You're Makin' Me High
All I want is
Moonlight with you there beside me
All night doin? it again and again
You know I want you so bad
Baby baby baby (baby baby baby baby)

Janet Jackson - Love Scene (Ooh Baby)
Ooh baby ooh baby
Ooh baby ooh baby
Ooh baby ooh baby
Ooh baby ooh baby
When you're holding me
When you're loving me
When you're fucking me

Why can’t Janet be more like her brother?


You’ll notice that all these lyrics are about babies. What’s a homeless man to think, while listening to his Ipod?

I think it’s time that the music industry started lifting their standards. Let’s get some more lyrics out there about prepubescent teens!

Dancing with Shakespeare

A new scourge has hit the streets of London, with the release of the new American dancing film, How she move. Hundreds of graduate BA students have been defacing advertising posters of this film all in the name of “proper English”.

Clementine De Glanville-Stimpson, spokesperson for this rogue group of well-spoken gang of thespians, believes that they’re improving society, by correcting poor English. “When I first saw the title of this cinematic creation, I was abhorrently appalled. Soon after this I felt repugnantly nauseated. Which was later followed by a feeling of indignant insobriety infused with discantatious fintinculation.”

“The fact of the matter is that this film has become a billboard for poor English.” Mz De Glanville-Stimpson continues, “England is already suffering at the hands of pop culture. Many of today’s youth are drinking tea from mugs instead of cups. Where will this madness end?”

Mz De-Glanville-Stimpson is well supported by the hundreds of BA graduates, who don’t have much else to do after finishing university with a degree, which is useless to society and a mockery to their own sense of self worth.

BA students hate people with rhythm.

A helping hand

So last night, I'm out on the town and this woman says to me, "I want to stay with you tonight."

And I'm like, "I know you do. I'm hot!"

And she's like, "I want you to take me home and climb into your bed."

And I'm like, "Oh yeah! You're dirty aren't you?"

And she's like, "I'm very dirty. I need a bath."

And I'm like, "I bet you do!"

And she's like, "And some food."

And I'm like, "Ooh! You're hungry for me, aren't you?"

And she's like, "I'm starving. I haven't had anything to eat all day.

And I'm like, "Oh I know what I can feed you. Come with me."

And she's like, "Thank you so much! You're so kind."

And then we went home and I like nailed her and stuff.







Homeless people are great!

Beauty is in the eye of the pie holder

In the news this week:

Chloe Marshall is the teenage beauty queen who broke the mould by becoming the first size 16 beauty queen contender to make it to the finals of the Miss England contest.

And now she reveals her shapely body in the official Miss England bikini – not forgetting her tiara of course – in her first bikini photoshoot since winning the Miss Surrey title.

Posing confidently poolside in the brief white gem-embossed Miss England bikini which she'll wear in the pageant in July, Chloe appears completely lacking in self-consciousness.

Many people will read this story and think, good for her and not think about the fat picture.

The problem is that beauty queens are role models to the young. What will happen if beauty queens start letting themselves go a bit?

What good can come from a world filled with women who aren't self-conscious about their bodies?

I don't want to grow up in a world where thirteen-year-old girls don't feel guilty about not vomiting up their supper.

I don't want to grow up in a world where women are recognised more for their brains than their looks.

I blame twenty first century upgrades. Breasts became very popular during the end of the last century. As we entered the new millennium, J-Lo started making big bums (not homeless people)popular. It was only a matter of time before the ladies started combining the two and then filling in the gaps. Don't they know that that is what the penis is for?

It's a world gone mad!

Thin ladies are happy ladies.